Two hearts ,One love, Meant to be together.

So it’s almost a year since I made my decision to speak up and actually told my bestfriend how I felt about him. I risked it. I really did. I had fallen in love with my closest friend. Fortunately he fell for me too. I am seriously amazed of how far we’ve come. Almost a year! Definitely serious about our future. At our pace we’re doing things and planning things out (or figuring things out) for us to get together as soon as possible. It’s really the best ever cause well, it’s really the first time I’ve fallen in love and it’s surely the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve got so much in mind I just wanna be with the love of my life and make him happy. Almost a year. Can’t wait for what our future holds. Soon enough, together forever. - N

and Im crying like a baby. Can’t sleep & can’t do anything. I should be sleeping.

He’s only hours away from me, miles apart. For only four days & Im being a pathetic little girl crying about it.

Ah I love him..

Indescribable. The way this boy shows his love. Sometimes I’ve got to pinch myself, to remind myself Im not dreaming. This is real. In fact, this is real love. I’ve never felt the way I feel for him. Never haved but the way I feel for him is beyond amazing. I’m truly blessed to have him in my life.

The Bond between us. The reason I am so attached to him is because in some ways he reminds me of me. We built up these walls up because of things we’ve gone through in the past. Somehow, with fear, came down. I’ve said things to this boy that I never in my life told no one. I don’t regret it. He really is my everything. My bestfriend. The love of my life.

Heart. I don’t know if this is common between other people, but between this boy & I… I don’t know, our hearts kinda.. communicate. I get this weird feeling & I just feel like it doesn’t feel right, my heart becomes unease. Somehow he starts feeling it too I can’t hide it from him. Same way with him. I feel my heart unease when his isn’t right. I don’t know maybe its weird.

My love for this boy is still strong & I won’t rest till he’s officially mine.

 I still remember the day I just laid on my bed & felt emotionally down. Reason? at the time I thought I was upset. I know now it was actually jealousy… (yeah not good, but I’m not perfect.) I was feeling jealous about other girls liking my bestfriend. I realized that day that what I felt for him wasn’t only a friendship. I had actually fallen for that boy. I was actually scared. Afraid to lose him. Afraid to lose it all if I said anything about my feelings towards him.

I have the most wonderful memories about him. There’s a lot about him that got me to fall for him. I’ve never been in love before. But I knew what I felt for him was different, and well I was actually in love with him. We would spend nights texting each other, some times till the next day. We would talk about million things. Well, mainly me. With time, I just started getting a feeling I would lose him. Everyone else that was once part of my life, are no longer part of it. We would talk about our future. Wanting to some day find the “right guy”, “right girl”. I would actually tell him what I thought about. I know that, that was actually something that scared me to death. If he ever got married, I would have that special place in his life. And if I ever married he would no longer be my bestfriend.

I believe that the person you marry should be your bestfriend. In what way? well, your husband or wife should know you better than any of your other friends. I knew I was at risk of losing him if marriage was ever a part of either one of our lives. Thing is we still feared that we might not be feeling the same way about each other.

I don’t remember why or how, but one night I just simply texted him asking a question. I said “would you marry me?” he laughed & thought maybe I was joking. So I did some explaining up to why I was making the question & I said “you’re a great guy I would actually marry you” & he replied “I would marry you too”. For a while we took like something not serious. We would quote Marry You by Bruno Mars & joke around about if we were to get married. Even made some vows. It was soon after a couple months I realized I had feelings for him.

Until one night. All I remember is that we were at a party. I had brought a friend with me that night. We both knew him. But what bothered me that day is that, although my bestfriend came & said hi to our friend, he rarely sat with us or spoke. I noticed he kept going across the room. I didn’t say anything. I just tried to keep company to my friend who was new to the party & people there. I spent it sitting down. Well, a few of my other friends took me out to dance. Hours after my friend got picked up by his father so I was just there sitting at my table waiting to go home. That night I realized how strong my feelings were for this boy, my bestfriend.

I have had crushes. I’ve had my dreams of actually falling in love & being together. I never became jealous about girls being around my crushes or even if my crush ended up having a girlfriend. I thought, maybe all I feel for my bestfriend is a crush. But at that party, that night, I realized it wasn’t a crush. I remember that at that party he kept going across the room to talk to some girl that I had never seen in my life. Yeah, I felt jealous…

I remember he would come to my side for maybe five minutes & spend about forty minutes with her. I thought it was weird since he didn’t mention her to me or introduced me to her. My bestfriend & I “aren’t into dancing”. Well… I’m not. But that day he kept dancing with this girl. As it became more late, my family & I decided it was time to go home so I grabbed my things, said bye to the friends that were sitting near me & left. One of em, my bestfriend’s brother. He said if I wasn’t gonna say bye to his brother & said no. (yes, jealousy held me back) I thought, “This is it. Its time to take our separate ways.”  I left that party while he danced with her.

The next day I remember my bestfriend’s brother asked if I knew the girl his brother kept dancing with. I tried hiding my feelings & replied with a “No”. While in my head I said ” No & I don’t wanna know her.” I was just so jealous… & hurt I didn’t speak to my bestfriend for a while. Time after I tried, and thought, I was over him. I started talking to him but various times I mentioned to him I thought it was best to keep our distances & just stop being friends, he refused. We had issues about people telling lies to our parents. On June 18th 2011 we spoke about it. And how I thought we should really just keep our distances. We texted for hours, it was past midnight, 1 o’clockl or so. I remember texting him & saying “people think we’re more than just friends that we have feelings for eachother. We need to stop hanging out I’m tired of it” & He replied with a “well… do you have feelings for me?”. First thing that came to mind was ’ Crap!! There goes our friendship. So much for being “bestfriends” we’re back to being strangers’. But I had to say how I felt. I was tired of hiding my feelings.

It was risk it now, or lose it all. I replied with a ” I think I do. idk. I think I just have a crush on you. idk.” - to a - “Yeah I have feelings for you”. That was it. I thought ‘so be it. I wont die if he rejects me, right?’ To my surprise. He felt the same way. We just went on and on about how we kept denying our feelings. It was already June 19th, and we both had things to do so we went to bed at 3 am. Up to this day we keep in mind that date. Its been seven months since then. And I’m happy to say, I’m still in love with him. I’m in love with my bestfriend. He’s the one I wanna someday marry, and spend the rest of my life with.